Never Let Go
by mutantpenguins
Summary: Ed: '...I wish I didn't have to leave. I hope Al actually follows through. I love you, and I always will...' Ed's thoughts as he leaves his loved ones forever, or so he thinks. Ed/Roy, movie spoilers, promise it ends happily.


So this is Ember's attempt at writing in first person... We'll see how it goes.

This is pretty much Ed's thoughts as the events happen. So that's why it's in the present tense. If Ember slipped and did past tense when she shouldn't have please to let her know.

And now...

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Never Let Go

I look up as I hear a sound I'd never thought to hear in my life again—the snapping of fingers covered in ignition cloth.

Seeing your face fly past, I know I'm staring. Then again, who could blame me? It's been two years since I last saw you, and that face has gone through some pretty big changes (remind me to ask you about that eye patch later), but it continues to haunt my dreams and it's still one of the most perfect things I've ever seen.

Looking back to the transmutation I'd been helping along, I frown as I realize it's stopped. Clapping my hands, I slap them back onto the slab of concrete. I have to get to you. It doesn't matter how.

Running, we exchange a few witty remarks as we prepare to fight. It's all we can really do right now, and it's a temporary fix for my heart. Really that'll never be enough, but for now I can get it to stop screaming at me to hold you and never let go.

I can't help but smile as you destroy the weapons the plane is creating. Even though you lost an eye, your aim hasn't suffered any. And it's still just as alluring a sight as it always was.

You always were protecting us, weren't you? I wonder if you will ever get rid of that urge as I run through the entry you've cleared, hoping to stop this once and for all.

The battle doesn't last long. Nothing's ever really been enough to stop the two of us when we're fighting together, has it?

When it's over, I see you again, and I know what I have to do even as I get lost in your remaining eye.

I don't want it to be this way. It's the last thing I want. Believe me, please.

I slap my hands against the wing of the plane, severing it and separating myself from you and Al.

Al struggles, but you hold him back. Somehow you always knew what I was going to do and what I intended. That doesn't numb the pain of this action any less, though.

I have to leave, I explain. I have to close the Gate once and for all, and someone else has to do the same on this side of it. I will never see any of you again.

If I had barely known the two of you, I could live with that.

I don't want to leave Al behind. I really don't. But I've dealt with that. Knowing he's alive is so much better than the alternative, and I can accept just knowing I didn't fail.

Knowing he doesn't really remember me helps too. At least he won't feel the pain too much.

But then there's you. I just got back from what was essentially a living hell. I haven't seen you, my love, for two long horrible years. And now I get to see you, but it will only be for about five minutes total. I won't get to hug you, kiss you, not even touch you at all.

The very thought tears my heart into more pieces than I could ever bother to count. And I'm not lazy like you always were, bastard.

Al shouts desperately, a final plea to get me to stay.

Really, though, he couldn't have been farther from the one argument that would make me stay here forever.

Did he honestly think it was Winry I was thinking about in that moment? I was always fine with leaving her behind, even though I thought of her as a sister. I know she always saw me in a different light, but I could never feel for her what she feels for me.

That spot in my heart is already taken. It's yours, just like it always has been.

I was thinking of you, just like I always do. I was thinking about that first night, when I finally got over my fears and approached you, and we shared something unforgettable. My mind normally goes there when I'm faced with an unpleasant situation, just to escape for a few sweet moments.

So I say something, anything to get him to drop that argument before I do something stupid like forget that I have to do this.

And then I turn and walk away so you won't see the tears in my eyes.

I don't want to do this! Why am I walking away from all I've ever wanted, just when it was finally within my grasp again?!

Three things run through my mind.

One, I wish I didn't have to leave.

Two, I hope Al actually listens and destroys the Gate from this side.

Three, I love you. And I always will, no matter how much it hurts.

I'm not entirely sure how I manage to steer the plane through the misty veil of my own tears, but somehow I get through the damn Gate once more.

When the commotion that meets me on the other side is over, I'm reunited with Al. Honestly, I'm shocked. How did you let him escape?

He informs me that he had to be with me and that you're probably closing the Gate on your side as we speak.

No. I know you never could. How could he have left you with such a thing?! It's bad enough that I have to make a conscious decision to never see you again. I never wanted you to have to face that kind of irrepressible agony.

He knows something is amiss from the tortured look on my face at the mention of your name, but he doesn't ask me about it. Al was always smart like that, knowing when I really didn't want to talk about something. I know he's just waiting until I can handle it. Then again, I'm not sure I'll ever be able to tell our story. Not without you there beside me.

A year passes. We come back to the Gate, but this time we have the knowledge from this side of it to finally destroy it once and for all.

It's ironic. Now that I have the knowledge to do what needs to be done, I'm not sure I can go through with it. That Gate is a symbol, a last futile chance to get back to you, and the last thing I want to do is knowingly destroy that last faint glimmer of hope.

Then I see a form fall from the Gate. Without even knowing who it is I run and catch it before it hits the ground.

When I see you in my arms I'm convinced I'm dreaming for a split second.

That split second ends when I see you're unconscious.

I have no idea why Al's not by my side yet, but I'm glad he's not as I gently lower you to the ground, kneeling beside you and checking your vitals.

Everything's so weak. Please don't die on me. You just came back to me. I don't think I could take it.

Damn you, Gate. Don't give me back my love, only to make me watch as he dies.

I can't see through my misty eyes, so I don't know it at first when you open your eyes. Then I notice you smiling gently at me and I am undone.

Sobbing, I throw myself into your arms, probably scaring the life out of Al.

Really, though, it doesn't matter right now. All that matters is your warm body near mine, your arms around me, your hands caressing my back as I cry into your shoulder, your voice whispering words I can't really hear into my ear.

You're back. That's all that matters in this instant.

When my tears finally stop flowing, I look at your face with a smile, noting that my expression is mirrored on your face. One of your hands moves to my cheek, and I lean into that gentle touch like it is a lifeline. And it is.

Leaning forward, I gently kiss your lips for the first time in three years. It is even better than I remembered.

Your arm locks around my waist as my hands find their way into your hair. You gently pull me closer as you move the hand that had been on my cheek to the back of my neck, and I sigh happily as the kiss deepens.

After what seems both like eternity and a fleeting instant at the same time, we pull apart gently and I bury my head in your chest, sighing happily.

Suddenly intuition hits and I look to my left at where I'd left the others. Sure enough, Al has just about fainted in shock. Our friend Noa, still traveling with us after all this time, just smiles knowingly. Interesting. I hadn't known she'd read my dreams enough to see this coming.

We stand and begin to walk over to them. However, I do not relinquish my grip around your waist, and your arm does not move from my shoulders.

We've found each other again, and we'll never let go.

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Please to read and review! Thank you!

Ember and Rags to Riches-- the mutant penguins


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